She is in my trunk
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
