Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
