you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
