im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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