so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
