Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
