worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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