He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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