And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
