I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
