I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
