4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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