Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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