She announced her abortion via fbk
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
