You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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