You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
