turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
