Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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