My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
