Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
