Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
