girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
