i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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