I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
