ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
