You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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