so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
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