Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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