oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
