I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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