Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
