Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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