i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
we're so committed to being not committed
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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