The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
