I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
