her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
