yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
