I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize