oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
