I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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