So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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