I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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