I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
