God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
