Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
