you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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