Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
