just tell him i said nine months
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
