Will you blow on my dice?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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