if you like me you must not know who I am
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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