Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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