If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
