The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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