wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
