just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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