he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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