hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
