I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
