I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
