He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
