I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
