she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
