Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
