I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we're chasing vodka with high fives
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You may now shotgun with the bride
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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