one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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