Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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