Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
