I think I am morally bankrupt
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
