so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
