we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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