she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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