i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
