your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
