Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You are the jesus of drinking
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
